Month of May Finale

Sandipendence Day

Today was dubbed Sandipendence Day, because one year ago today, my life changed completely. One year ago today, my marriage officially ended.
What a journey it has been to get to the point I am at now. I can hardly believe it has been a year.

Having a child to take care of definitely helped me handle the situation with a whole lot more strength and grace than I ever would have thought myself capable of. Especially considering how completely broken I was when the first almost split happened 2 years earlier. I would like to think that it wasn't just because I had another little being to look after though. I would like to think that I was simply stronger than before. Though, perhaps the reason I was stronger was because I had become a mother just 6 months earlier. Becoming a mother changes you too.

Regardless of the reason...I survived. I was all wrapped up in love and support from friends and family, and people I never expected. There is a proverb that says, "God is closest to those with broken hearts". I believe it to be true.

I feel as if I have been in a cave for a year (maybe longer) and am now out in the sunshine. It hurts your eyes at first, but then it is glorious!
This past year I have been trying so hard to just move forward and be ok. It seems only recently that I have really emerged back into the world though. I wasn't quite ready before. I needed the protection and solitude of my cave. Now, I am out! Now, I am ready for the world! Ready for the sunshine...and strong enough to deal with some of the hurt that comes with living...Ok, maybe not quite ready for the hurt yet, but I am ready for all the rest of it.

So, here I am. 1 year later.
At first glance it doesn't seem that my life has changed much since that first awful day. I even had someone I had spoken to just a week after the split, and not since, ask me the other day (out of the blue) "So, what's new?" I said "Nothing."
But that is not true. As I thought about it I realized that *I* am new!

I have started consistently losing weight, I am having articles published, I am getting my Master's degree, and I am working on the driving too (albeit slowly). I am finally DOING the great little ideas I have. I am changing my life. I am LIVING my life. I'm not always good at it, sometimes it is so much easier to just daydream and not do, but as I slowly chip away at the lazies, and the fears, I am discovering some amazing things about myself, my life, the world...And my heart. My heart is not what it was. In some ways this is bad. There are things that still need healing...but my heart is also stronger, and somehow even more open to love, all love, than I ever thought possible.

So what is new? Everything!!!

And that is the very definition of Sandipendence!