Month of May Part 2

The Morning
Or...The Mourning.

I slept well for the first time in about 2 weeks. I felt calm when I woke up. I still feel calm. But I also feel sad. I made myself a lovely breakfast of fruit and mini waffles, and found a packet of Via. Yum! I am watching Under The Tuscan Sun. Maybe it isn't the most upbeat movie choice, especially in the beginning. But it is uplifting. It is about painful endings leading to new beginnings. It is about living your life as if you already have your heart's desires. It is about faith, love, friendship, strength, and healing. And I admit...it makes me wish (just a little)that I could run off to Tuscany.
The pain is not overwhelming right now. But it is there. I feel a bit alone. I'm already disappointed that the network of love and support I thought I had is not as large as I believe it to be. No matter. I know I have people who love me dearly. What would I have done without you?
I just wish I had someone to talk to right now.

The Afternoon Aftermath

The thing about going through a difficult time is that it makes you overly sensitive to just about everything. Thanks to the wonderfulness of a few of my close friends (it is no surprise that they happen to be the very same people reading this blog) I am feeling much better about people in general and am not taking the non-reposting of the kitties so personally. Yeah, it bums me out a little, but I can't expect everyone to do the same thing I would in a situation. We are all different. Also, it is possible...unlikely, but possible, that some people have not seen the postings. Regardless, my close friends are close for a reason. And my other friends are not as close for a reason. Which brings me to those close friends and a few surprising supporters over this last year. Where would I be without them? Without you?
I think focusing on the whole thing with the cats has been helping me not focus on other stuff so much.

Evening Reflections

What a roller-coaster this day has been! I have been so up and down. Sometimes happy, sometimes so very sad, and sometimes just a bit numb. How long will it be before I no longer remember this day as my "would have been" anniversary? Years? I really hope not. It is just very sad. I think this day has been so hard for me because of how much potential it all had, and how lovely the beginning was. May 17th 2006 was a truly beautiful day...I would never have guess that I would be where I am now. I have faith that this is all for a reason, and wonderful things are coming my way...Still...memories are bitter-sweet.