Well, I got through the first part of my 3 part May hump. The day before mother's day, and mother's day. My mom had the right idea - keep me busy and I won't have time to think or feel sad. It worked!
I had a few moments where I felt a bit sad, or sick, or both. But I got through the days with my smile intact.
I am so proud of myself for this.
The memories of last year are still so clear in my mind. They turn my stomach and they hurt my heart. Why did this all happen?
It is a question I have been asking myself for a year now. And the only answer I seem to have is..."Because, it did"
I can't believe it has been a year since I heard those awful words "I don't love you anymore" for the second time in 2 years. A girl shouldn't have to hear those words ever. Not from her husband.
This is a difficult month. I don't want to just survive it though, I want to make it good. I want the memory of May this year to start washing away the memory of last year. Wash away the pain.
I am so tired of pain.
It is a difficult balance...to allow myself to feel what I am feeling, allow myself to acknowledge the hurt...but not wallow in it. It is new to me.
I hope I am able to do it.
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