Progress

I think I am making progress. I've been a whole lot less anxious, and I have not gotten angry or frustrated about things that had been making me angry before.

I'm dealing with a bit more sadness because of this though. It isn't awful or overwhelming anymore, but it is there.

I felt sad because Patrick has been asking for his dad often, and this morning, I am not sure what set him off, but he started saying "dada" and "Dash" over and over and didn't calm down until I distracted him with some techno.

I know he is ok, and that babies very much live in the moment. I know that he doesn't quite get the concept of how long it has been since he has seen someone...I know he has a short attention span. I know that he is happy. But knowing all of these things...doesn't keep me from being sad. It doesn't keep me from feeling like I failed my son somehow...

Just another thing I will have to deal with and let go of.

I'm starting to get pretty good at that.

But I am very proud of the progress I have made with the anger and anxiety. And I think I'll take a little sadness any day over having to deal with the other stuff. I did not like the other stuff one bit.

This has all gotten me thinking though...is sadness always under the stronger emotions? Are angry, bitter people really just sad? Are people suffering from anxiety, really just hiding from their sadness?

Maybe we need to have a little more compassion for each other (and ourselves for that matter). Maybe by being kind to people, even when we don't feel they deserve it, we can deflate some of their anger. Maybe by being calm when someone else is anxious, our calmness will rub off and help them breathe, even for a moment.

Maybe we all need a little love and healing...and by giving that to others, they will in turn give it to others...and we can heal the whole world, and ourselves, just by being a little more kind.

Ok, I've gone somewhere kinda hippie-ish here, sorry about that. =P