Forgiveness

You may or may not buy into the whole idea that emotional things can show themselves as pain and other imbalances in the body. I do believe this, to an extent. For example, depression causes so much more than a deep sadness. It causes muscle aches, physical pain, and extreme fatigue. Worry and stress cause headaches... There are examples of this phenomenon everywhere.
For almost a year now my skin and hair have been less than stellar. For the past 6 months or so they have been downright awful, my skin especially. I've tried just about everything. Just when it starts to clear up, there it goes again, into the realm of awful.

Last night I started reading one of the books the therapist recommended to me. The author mentioned that ailments are usually a manifestation of something else, and can often be healed with forgiveness. She says to look at what your ailment is, have an honest conversation with yourself, and figure out who it is that needs forgiving. Suddenly, something just clicked! If I want to take a look at my ailment, I have to look in the mirror. I will see my awful skin, and myself. It is very clear to me who needs forgiveness. I do!

For quite some time now I have been blaming myself for not listening to the signs early on and making a mistake. For every stage of the relationship there was a little sign that said things may not go as I hoped...and I blatantly ignored them all. I blame myself for losing my voice. I blame myself for the fact that Patrick doesn't have his father in his life every day. I blame myself for choosing poorly. I blame myself for not being enough...I blame myself for things I have no business blaming myself for!

It will be interesting to see if, once I work on this whole forgiveness thing, my skin will clear up.

Why is it we can often forgive others for just about anything, and let it all go...but we cannot forgive ourselves for things that we didn't do at all, or didn't do to purposefully hurt anyone?

I have forgiven many people in my past. I have forgiven some people in my life now. I have forgiven, let go, and moved on.
Why do I continuously blame myself for the actions of others, or for things I just couldn't possibly have had a true understanding of before learning the life lesson?
Why do I blame myself for a failed marriage and broken family...when I didn't fail or break anything? Why do I blame myself, but have been working on forgiving him over the last year?(Admittedly, I am not 100% there yet, but I am getting there) Why do we give the people who hurt us and make mistakes more consideration and kindness than we give ourselves? I say "we" because I know I am not the only one who does this. Women are notorious for this.

The face I see in mirror is the face of someone who is in need of forgiveness and a little kindness. Surely, if I can forgive others, I can forgive her too...