Usually it is here before I realize it, and I am caught up in it. This time though, I felt it trying to sneak up on me, and it is all I can do to push it back.
The fear fog. The lazy fog. The scatterbrained fog. The excuses fog.
Yesterday I dreamed big dreams, I did good things for myself, I started writing, planning, and felt truly excited and capable!
Late last night I started to doubt it all. I started telling myself these little steps won't change anything. I started telling myself that I cannot do what I dream of doing. I also started telling myself I am not a writer, at least not a very good one, and I should quit while I'm ahead.
Who is this bitch in my head!?
I woke up this morning feeling down, a little hopeless, and ready to talk myself out of all my plans for the day. I felt bummed about it, but what could I do really? I mean, who am I to try and show the world I am something special? Then, something deep inside me, some tiny, barley audible, and very desperate voice said. "NO!"
And I snapped out of it!
I am afraid. And I am doing it anyway. I am not 100% confident in my skills and talents, but I am going to share them anyway. I do not always feel Goddess-like...but I am going to be one anyway. One day that tiny voice is going to be the only one I hear, and she won't squeak out desperate "no's". She will joyfully shout big, loud "YES's"
I love it that you are writing your blog again and I have decided that I must write in mine again, too. I'll probably start with some daily, short relections of what's going on with us, friends, and family. Your writing is awesome and it just keeps getting better. (You also have better grammar and spelling that anyone else!-)
ReplyDeleteAnd keep kicking that 'bee-atch' to the curb!
Thank you! And I'm so glad you are back to writing too! :)
DeleteI feel like this a lot, especially in the winter months. It's like I'm wandering through the fog trying to figure out what I'm doing and trying really hard not to be afraid. You got it lady, you are moving and that is sometimes half the battle!
ReplyDeleteAND KEEP WRITING :)
Thank you <3
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