Hey boys, watch your shoes!

Remember way back at the beginning of 2011 when I decided to officially take a little break from Love?

Yeah, I had almost forgotten too. As it turns out, while I mostly accomplished this little challenge of mine by default, I did actually have an opportunity or two to "fail" at being without a guy for a year. It amazes me, how even when I hold back, even when my heart is not fully engaged (for various reasons, many of which having to do with that annoying feeling of wanting to throw up when I even think seriously about being in a relationship)I still managed to get a little distracted, and to my surprise, a little bit disappointed.
It is enough to make me consider going another year without romance of any kind. At this point though, that would be less a reason to grow and learn, and more an excuse to hide. And I am no coward...usually.

So, thus ends my year of willfully avoiding romance of any kind. Somehow I ended up a little bruised regardless. I definitely learned a lot though, and that was really the entire point.

I learned that healing from a broken heart takes time, goes in unpredictable stages, and depending on the circumstances can be pretty ongoing, even almost 2 years after the initial trauma.
I learned that while I do get crushes, become distracted, and tend to be pretty easy to win over with a few sweet words, I am not as much in danger of completely losing my heart and mind to unworthy guys anymore. My bullshit-o-meter is pretty fine-tuned and my tolerance level for most childish behavior is set at negative. Because let's face it, I am 31 and I do not have time for childish antics, other than the ones from the little boy I gave birth to (another thing I learned). By the way, I am all for fun and inner child stuff. There is a difference.
I learned that I can say no to anything that doesn't resonate with me. And I can say it without (too much) fear of being disliked. This lesson really spans into other relationships as well.

I learned that a man is going to have to joyfully put forth a hell of a lot of effort to be with me. He is going to have to be pretty amazing to get my attention, and he is going to have to have nerves of steel. And the right man will find all that to be well worth it, because he knows he is getting something pretty incredible out of the deal. Not just good or great, but INCREDIBLE!

Which leads me to my biggest lesson, something I am just beginning to understand and accept, something that too many women forget all too often. I am learning my worth.

I have no idea what this next year, or the following ones will bring. I have no idea if I'll find Love this year, or not for another 5 years. But whenever it happens, I will probably throw up on the guy. Wait! No. I mean, whenever it happens, I will be (mostly) ready for it, (mostly) unafraid, a little bit distracted, strong enough to deal with any hurt that may result, and I will not, under any circumstances, EVER forget what I am worth.

So, it is probably about time I make myself a bit more visible. Time to stop hiding. And hey, if I throw up, I throw up. Watch your shoes, boys!