Thoughts on Love and Sorrow

One of the books I am reading talks about sorrow actually opening us up to love and our emotions. It says that there is some kind of strength in feeling sad and vulnerable. It is an odd concept, and not one most people buy into. Usually, when you are sad, you fight against it, or fall right into the big black hole of depression.

But what if there is this place where you are opened up to the feelings and you flow with them instead of fighting them, and you may stumble a bit, but you never do fall into that dark hole? That place can be really powerful. But it feels odd to be there.

There is this strange bit of comfort that can be found sometimes. Like a warm blanket that protects you just a bit while your senses are reeling. Sorrow has a clam quiet place.

What is weird to me is that sometimes I feel so powerful, as if I can do anything, and sometimes I feel so very fragile, and wish someone would scoop me up in strong arms and tell me it will all be ok, and they will take care of everything...

I don't believe in God the same way many people do. And I don't always call that higher power God. But I certainly do believe! And I have come to realize that in times of great sorrow..."someone" does scoop you up and say "It'll be all be ok, you can lean on me." I felt it most profoundly two years ago at a moment where I had truly lost all hope.

Now, it has just been little whispers here and there...but I have still felt it.

So maybe it is because of that calm quiet that sorrow sometimes brings, that you can actually be aware of when you are wrapped up in big strong arms and given a moment to rest and feel comforted, until you feel strong again.

And it occurs to me that is what I do for Patrick...when he cries his little heart out, I scoop him up in my arms and tell him he doesn't have to worry about a thing, because I am here every step of the way. Always.

That's love.

These last few years I have really learned what love and sorrow are. Both are messy, deep, beautiful, terrifying, life changing, and unforgettable. Both leave marks. And I wear them both proudly.