(Note: I spell romantic Love with a capital "L" for two reasons. 1. It helps differentiate between general love and the romantic kind. 2. There never seems to be a word strong enough, special enough, powerful enough to really caputre what romantic Love is, therefor, I feel it should at the very least be capitalized.)
I know there are many women who jump from relationship to relationship, or stay in not so good relationships, because they are afraid to be alone. I am not one of those women. I never have been, even in my less-than-confident teenage years. I've never felt as if I really needed a man to complete me. But, I have always loved Love. Always dreamed about True Love. Even in preschool I had "boyfriends". They would give me kisses on the cheek, and give me their cookies at lunch. Or if I liked a boy who didn't like me, I would chase him around and try to kiss HIM on the cheek. I even had a fake wedding once to one of the boys I captured. I have to hand it to him, he was quite a trooper going along with my silly little wedding.
In elementary school I had two boys fighting over me. One tried to woo me with rose perfume and a kiss on the cheek. Not to be out done, the other boy wooed me with a giant cardboard robot with "I LOVE SANDY" and hearts written all over it in silver paint. Guess which boy I chose?
Looking back, I can see that there were very few times in my life that I didn't have a guy I was interested in. In fact, up until now, the longest I went with absolutely no guy in my life (and no guy I wanted in my life) was 3 months. And that was because I had "given up" on men. Didn't last very long, and I wasn't exactly happy about the Love hiatus. I still pined and worried that I would never find Love.
I've talked about Love a whole lot in this blog, and it will likely continue to be a big theme. Love is my thing. All kinds of love, but especially romantic Love. I just love it! I love the feeling. I love the complexity and simpleness of it. I love the magick of it. I love hearing about Love and seeing people in love, young and old. I just love Love.
So, no worries, I've not given up on Love, or men, or anything like that. Not at all. I just feel that after 30.5 years of being all about romantic Love (yes, even as a baby I cooed and flirted with men. There are pictures to prove it!). It is time to give myself a little break from it. Perhaps it will help me gain some perspective.
Of course, I still wish for Love, but this year, it is not something I am looking for. Not just because I am not ready for it (though that is probably a big part of it) but because I have other things that I want to focus on right now. Myself, my son, and what I really want out of this life of mine.
These past 8 months I have not had any romantic relationships, and I've not really wanted one, but Love still ruled my life a bit. The loss of it, the lack of it, and wishing for it (and worrying about never getting it) in the future.
I am letting all of that go now. I am choosing to take a break from Love for this year. No dating, no crushes (except for my silly crushes on bank employees, movie stars, and Ross security guards...maybe) no pining, no romance.
I never - not in a million years - thought I would want to take a break from Love. I am actually really excited about it too! It is freeing, exciting, and very different.
I already feel like a whole new me!
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